Poetic Puppy People

So I meant to write several vignettes in lieu of a long, long rant about a single subject like I usually do, but somehow vignettes translated into a whole lot of haikus, punctuated by loose interpretations of other sorts of poems that I learned about in third grade, but still had to look up their formulas, which I didn’t really follow anyway. Enjoy!

A haiku about layers:

Layers for the cold

Too sweaty take them off

Yay for pneumonia

A diamante-ish poem about SnowIce:

Snow

It is weird to Arizona fingers. I must touch it.

Blinding my Arizona eyes. Making scary snow creatures. Blowing mind with snowflakes.

Pristine pieces of perfection. Christmas time. Now it rained. You could play hockey on this snow.

Mud + snow + rain – degrees = death trap. So very slippy. Icky.

Fall in dog poop. Break ankle.

Ice.

A haiku about raccoons:

I see no raccoons.

I know they are here somewhere.

Find and make pet soon.

A haiku about Stan not giving me permission to have a raccoon pet:

No, city girl, no

Go to garbage raccoon trap

Put where Stan can’t see

A limerick about squirrels.

Today I saw a red squirrel

I knew not if it was boy or girl

I also didn’t care

I had but one thought under my hair

I want to squish that.

A haiku about squishing squirrels:

No I am not cruel.

Squash not to kill but to show love.

So cute I squish you. 

A haiku about driving the dog team for the first time:

First time driving dogs

Scared they will suddenly stop

They too will be squashed

A haiku about the end of the run where I was driving:

Dear human, you’re dumb

We only stop if you break

And break you did not

A haiku about trying to haul sled dogs backwards when you forget to break the ATV and the dogs get into a tangled fight:

Sled dogs are so strong

They run forward more than back

Good luck, puny girl

A haiku about taking pictures with the dogs:

Cute dogs! Take pictures!

Like to try to like my face

Don’t, you eat your poop.

On haiku about the orange shirt that I am wearing in every single picture I have ever taken here even though I have been here for nearly two months.

Orange shirt keep me clean

Dogs make orange shirt so dirty

Rotting? Don’t think so.

A haiku about insulated overalls:

These are the best thing

Keep you warm with just one piece

Don’t even need pants.

And now: Dog Talk

"What you are doing looks very suspect?"

"Fine. I will begrudgingly stay still long enough for you to take a picture."

"Staring contest! Go!"

"I don't know why you are so concerner about me licking your face because you say I eat my poop. See, I lick my own face. No big deal."

"Millenials. You must always be taking pictures."

"Stop goofing off. I am a serious athlete."

For the honor and glory.

The Misfit Musher

Don't worry, folks, I know you have been anxiously awaiting, but the time is here. The time of the year that you have been waiting for since the same time last year, casting you into a perpetual cycle of euphoria-anticipatory depression-eurporia-anxious despair, has finally arrived. You made it through pumpkin spice latte cult time. You are nearly through the ever popular American holiday Halowegiving. 

Here at the kennel, I have been making a name for myself as the Misfit Musher, that is the looney toon who puts harnesses on the dogs who have never wanted to work ever and then gets on a bike and lets them run wild. It is a blast. So in honor of my misfits, Nicky and Halona, I have brought some other misfits to make this announcement and bring you back into the manic stage of your annual obsession:

Say hello.

Are you ready now?

The Misfit Toys and I are proud to announce that the whole world can now enter into:

CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  PPLLBHHBTHKJSAKDNLKWDSLFDNAWLBEEXCITEDFDMJKNFSKJNFAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(side note: where the heck is Yukon Cornelius in this photo??? Jerks, clearly being musherist again! Well, we will see how that creepy little dentist feels about drilling his root canals on Santa and Rudolph with no novacaine because only the dog team could possibly weather the raging snow storm, but NOOOO they weren't important enough for the picture.)


What did you say?

It is only November 10th? 

What else?

We haven't even had Thanksgiving yet? 

oh. 

You see, I am a little confused do to the fact that I up this morning to this

It was snowing. 

It is still snowing.

I grew up in a desert. 

Where the people who sang songs about there being snow for Christmas are all a pack of liars. 

So now that there is actually snow, literally falling from the sky (who knew!!??), my little sun-dried raisin brain is having a real hard time wrapping itself (because it is so withered) around the fact that it is NOT Christmas.

How is it not Christmas when I walked outside to feed the dogs this morning and was able to make them personal snowmen??

Whom they all loved...eating!

And believe me (I will save you the whole rant) but I am not someone who is a grand supporter of consumer America and its schemes to make me start buying crap for Christmas in May, so this has nothing to do with the commercials already on TV about going out

 QUICK! 

NOW!

 BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!

 BEFORE THE TURKEY HAS COOLED FROM THANKSGIVING!

BEFORE THE MACE PEOPLE COME TO THE LINES AT WALMART!

                               to go shopping for Christmas presents. 

Also, few things say Christmas more than snow except for:

PUPPIES!

And then you get double-whammied with

PUPPIES IN SNOW!

So you see why I am feeling a little holiday-non-conforming right now. It is probably even worth it to add that Canada already had Thanksgiving, so my Christmas Clock has actually been screwy since October. 

I guess I get it now though, Consumer America, that is. Walmart...JC Penney's...Target...Macy's....Best Buy...they aren't evil with their schemes to obliterate the real meaning of Christmas and replace it with a desire TO BUY EVERYTHING. No, they aren't evil, they're all just Canadian dog mushers!

For the honor and glory.